Sunday, February 28, 2010

You know how everyone else knew I was gay? 1:3

For many gay men, sex with their high school girlfriend was the catalyst to homosexual discovery. Knocking boots knocked that closet door right off its hinges. While I too had a girlfriend my senior year - two, actually! - it was not knockers, but knitting that began to lead me on my way to the gay.

Any dumb jock can master "two in, two up," but it takes some exceptionally nimble hand-eye coordination to knit two, purl two. Some boy's girlfriends taught them to send a girl writhing for a moment. Mine instructed me on ribbing, a skill that would eventually prompt shrieks of joy and hours of ensuing pleasure in many of the female company I kept in college.

A handmade scarf will do that to a girl.

She may not want you to tie her up with it, but if you're talented enough - she still might get in bed with you.

Professionally speaking.

Spread the word, Grannies on Parade will be up and running Summer 2006!

Grannies on Parade is a joint venture brought to the world by I, Justin Joseph Wienkers, and my associate Karena Marie Hunt.

In less than a year from now, Karena & I will be galavanting across the nation in an orange and green VW bus, hawking the wonderful knitted and crafted creations of older women, and men!

Our goal is to bring in two, three, even four times the profits for older folks who sell their beautiful crafts in small town markets by selling them in bigger markets while only taking a measly 15% for ourselves (hey, we've got to pay for the VW some how).

You can look for us in such craft hubs as Cedarburg, Waupaca, San Francisco, New England, Seattle, and Kalamazoo.

Grannies on Parade -- putting money in the hands and smiles on the faces of crafty old folks everywhere!

Much to the dismay of America's artistic elderly, our follow through unravelled not long after we issued this press release to our friend's inboxes. That summer, however, I did come (out) to fruition. And while

may have fallen dormant, my true yarn has only just begun to roll out.