"Should I message him? No! I shouldn't. Should I? Ugh,” I dropped my head into my hands, last Monday, as I waited for my friend Liana’s advice on how to move forward after a weekend of particularly lackluster textual responses from one of my latest crushes.
"It is so weird to see you falter," she shook her head in dismay. "You never falter."
"It's just with men. I hate it. IFUCKINGHATEIT!...No, I love it. Oh Gawd," I began to cackle deliriously. “AHHH! Wha’doIdo?”
"Let him come to you," she chuckled. "It's like when I was a kid and my mom told me to do the dishes just as I was about to do them. I’d already planned on it, but then I would get annoyed that she hadn't given me a chance and I would no longer want to do them."
"Hmm...” I frowned. “Well, I never want to do any kind of housework, but I guess I see your point."
"I think the safest and most growing experience for you right now is to allow him the capacity to do them on his own," Liana continued in her role as Grasshoppah. "Doing them for him or reminding him to do them is just going to set up your entire relationship on a foundation where he's not learning and not allowed to grow himself."
As usual, she’s right. Love should never be a chore, but it does take work – on both ends. If I, if any man or woman should ever want to get to a point where we share more than a sexual connection with another person, then we need to learn to be patient and strive for balance.
When applied, this realization is extraordinarily freeing. In worrying less about the degree to which those with whom we are smitten return the favor, we are allowed to take more time to remember what we like about ourselves. So long as this increased self-awareness promotes confidence, not arrogance, it will only serve to further draw in those we desire.
Plus, you know, when we put a personal limit on the number of hours spent cycling through each and EVERY one of their Facebook photo albums, we might finally find some time to do the actual dishes.